


love is a place

by cheinsaw



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Adoption, Bathing/Washing, Cooking, F/F, Gay, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderqueer Character, Haircuts, Hispanic Character, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Multi, New Year's Kiss, One Shot Collection, Other, Photography, Pre-Canon, Skinny Dipping, Trans Female Character, Underwater kisses, selective mutism, sensory processing issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-08 00:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3189101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheinsaw/pseuds/cheinsaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>finding acceptance, finding a place, finding a family.</p><p>a short story collection about love of different kinds. summaries will be at the beginning of each chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. for you

**Author's Note:**

> for my valentine. thank you for everything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her release from Makai, Byakuren's only wish is to enjoy a meal with her closest friends. The Palanquin's crew is all too happy to oblige.

The first thing, first of all, is being close to her again. She's there, Byakuren, _alive_ , chains cut and free of Hokkai, branded scars on her wrists and ankles, and emaciated, but alive after all this time.

Shou, not caring how improper it is, hugs her tightly the second they're reunited. "Hijiri," they breathe, choking up with tears. "Hijiri."

Byakuren strokes their hair with the same gentle touch Shou remembers. "Shou," she says, with a smile in her voice.

The others follow soon, Ichirin running to wrap her arms around Byakuren's waist and sobbing, Murasa pressing their forehead to her shoulder and a hand on her head. Even Nazrin pats her arm a little bit.

Byakuren is safe. Byakuren is free. They all stand, holding her, for a long, long time.

 

"Shou?" Byakuren asks, when they've boarded the ship and Murasa is hauling up the anchor, ready to leave Makai. The human who helped them is long gone, small treasures in her hands. Shou doesn't care what the girl stole. Nothing can compare to the relief, the joy, the utter _safety_ in having Byakuren back with them.

"Yes, Hijiri?"

"Ah... It might be inappropriate, never mind." She folds her hands delicately.

"N-no, it's okay, what is it?"

Byakuren gives a little sigh. "I don't need to eat any longer. This body does not require most material things. But... it's been so long since I've eaten. If it can be arranged, I'd like to share a meal. With you and the others. Do you still cook?"

Shou's heart clenches. "Yes, yes, of course, Hijiri. What - what do you want to eat? We've mostly had fish lately, but..."

Byakuren looks thoughtful, eyes drifting up to the ceiling. "It doesn't matter as long as there is no meat. Thank you, Shou."

"No problem," they chuckle. "I'll send Nazrin to get you when it's ready."

 

Shou would never admit it to Byakuren, but sometimes, they'd cook specifically vegetarian meals because doing so reminded them of her. Curried vegetables, bean sprout soup, kappa maki. Things that Byakuren obviously loved way back then, no matter how much she tried to hide that she even had such human things as tastes and desires.

This is a special occasion, so of course, Shou's going to make all of it. They daydream idly for a few seconds about the banquet Byakuren deserves, picturing the table spread with dishes and plates, and Byakuren smiling happily.

The stocks on the ship, however, aren't too helpful for such a venture. Shou's chopping the one last onion from the kitchen when Ichirin pops into the door frame. "Hey, Shou! What's for dinner?"

"Vegetarian. Hijiri requested that we all share a meal tonight."

"What, no way! I'll help you cook if you want. Do you need any help? I'm really good at chopping stuff." Ichirin is practically bouncing on her heels in midair, little wisps of Unzan's cloudy form circling her waist and shoulders.

"Help would be good, yeah. We really need fresh vegetables if you can pull those out of... somewhere."

"Leave it to me!"

"Hey, thanks. Can you tell the captain, too? And Naz, if you can find them."

"Sure thing! Be right back, okay?" Ichirin darts out in a flurry of blue, and Shou has to smile. Knowing Ichirin, she'll get the others just as excited.

 

Ichirin returns to the kitchen when Shou's just finished prying the lid off a well-hidden jar of umeboshi, something no one on the ship enjoys except Byakuren. "Murasa says we can stop at like a village or something and see if they have any veggies. Um, I don't really know where they're taking us in the first place, but that's what they said."

"Oh, okay." Shou gently extracts one of the pickled plums out of its jar and lays it down on the cutting board. "I'm making curry and soba, so get whatever you think would be good for those. Make sure to get ginger, yeah?"

"You can count on me!" Ichirin grins. And then she's gone again, as quickly as she arrived. The ship rocks steadily, picking up currents in the sky. And Shou begins to cook, at last.

 

Shou's almost done chopping up the umeboshi for onigiri when Ichirin returns, with Murasa in tow. "We got it! Ginger, and green onions, and carrots and curry powder and a whole lemon and two eggplants and Murasa even found some of that tea Hijiri likes!"

"Hijiri's really happy, you know," Murasa says. "She's lying down now, but she was so happy when I went in to check on her earlier." They start yanking the various purchases out of the bag. "She really missed us." _Like how we missed her_ , is the silent implication in their words.

Once all the ingredients have been laid out, the three of them make a good team. Ichirin rolls the umeboshi into onigiri, Murasa handles boiling the water and noodles, and Shou cuts and fries the vegetables. They work in sync, fluidly, until the tea is poured, and all the food is neatly arranged on the tabletop. There's only one thing left - Byakuren.

Shou peeks out of the kitchen, their eyes trailing along the long hallway of the ship until they catch a small flicker of movement at the edge of the wall. The tiny thing scampers towards Shou, ready for their order, until it's at their feet.

"Hello," Shou says, kneeling down to stroke the mouse's back with one finger. "Could you find Nazrin for me? Send them to the kitchen."

The mouse scurries off somewhere obediently. "Is that even gonna work?" Murasa asks. "How do you know it'll understand you? It's just a mouse."

"What's just a mouse?" Nazrin's voice echoes from outside the doorway. "Shou? Did you need me?"

Murasa presses their lips shut as Ichirin giggles a little. "Yes, actually. Could you go and find Hijiri? Tell her dinner is ready."

Nazrin blinks slowly, clearly not enthused that they're being sent out again right after arriving. They nod silently and slip away, a small entourage of mice at their heels. In mere minutes, they're back with Byakuren herself, muttering a soft "Here you are" before quietly taking their leave.

Byakuren's eyes are wide as she takes in the sight of the table absolutely covered in food, all of it her old favorites. Shou can see, even from the other side of the room, that her eyes are filling up with tears. "Oh," she breathes. And then, suddenly, her stomach growls, loud and undignified.

"Goodness," she says, with a laugh, and rubs her eyes with the back of her hand before sitting down at the table. "Thank you, Shou. Murasa. Ichirin. All of you. I can't... I can't thank you enough for this."

"I told you it was no problem," Shou smiles back.

"Yeah, it was really fun!" Ichirin chimes in.

"You know we'd do anything for you," Murasa adds.

"Well, then... if you say so." She clasps her hands together, almost like she's praying, a wonderfully serene smile on her face for the first time in almost a thousand years. "Let's eat."


	2. glow girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okuu's a girl and that's all there is to it. (trans girl okuu, orin/okuu)

 

It is a morning like any other in Former Hell. The sun doesn't shine, but the fires are blazing warm. There's no blue sky, only a ceiling made of earth that separates the youkai sealed down there from the surface above. But it is Okuu's home, and Okuu wakes up bright and happy each morning ready to face the day.

She's brushing her teeth when she notices something. It's very obvious. She's a girl. She doesn't know why she didn't see it before. Utsuho Reiuji is not a boy. Why had she thought she was a boy? She dismisses it in a second. It doesn't matter because she is a girl and it feels wonderful.

She bounds down the stairs for breakfast, her wings spread out behind her. When she gets to the first landing, she decides she can't wait anymore, and leaps into the air, gliding down over the rest of the steps. She's so happy. Everything feels good and right, like she's been snapped into place.

Satori is cooking in the kitchen, her back to the doorway. "Good morning, Okuu," she says, without turning around.

"Satori-sama! I'm a girl!" Okuu bubbles, bouncing on her heels. She tries her best not to forget that Satori can already read her mind, but sometimes she's so enthusiastic that she just has to say things out loud anyway.

"So you are." Satori tilts her head so Okuu can see her face, and smiles. "I'm glad you've realized it." She lifts a hard-boiled egg out of the pot on the stove and presents it to Okuu.

"Yeah! I'm really glad!" Okuu smashes the eggshell with a spoon, happily distracted by her breakfast.

"Would you be interested in some more feminine clothes? Ah, you hadn't thought of it?"

Okuu looks up, her mouth full of egg. "Why?"

"I see... They _are_ comfortable. I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to wear a dress or skirt."

"Like Orin!" Okuu yells. "Yeah! Yeah, Satori-sama, I want a dress! I want like five hundred dresses!"

Satori smiles, reaches over to pat Okuu on the shoulder. "Then I'll see to it. I'm very glad that you're happy."

Okuu beams. She has done well. It all feels so right.

 

Koishi comes to breakfast late, sleepy and disoriented. She yawns, her hand over her mouth, hidden by her too-big sweater. Okuu already knows that she and Satori are having a silent conversation, and it's rude to interrupt, but then she remembers her news and she just can't stop herself.

"Koishi, Koishi, I'm a girl!"

"Oh, I know," Koishi mumbles, smiling.

"You knew?!"

"Your thought process is very girl," Koishi explains. "It has been for a while."

"Ohhh," Okuu says. Without prompting, Satori brings another egg to where Okuu sits, along with Koishi's breakfast toast. Okuu hadn't even realized she wanted another egg.

Koishi and Satori go back to their thought-conversation. Okuu finishes her egg, thanks Satori for the food, and tiptoes back up the stairs to get ready for her day in the Hell of Blazing Fires.

 

Orin sleeps late, because Orin is a cat and has to rest a lot. It's Okuu's job to go and wake her up every morning. Which is not easy. Orin sleeps in her cat form, curled up in warm red and black fur, and always finds the tiniest places to fit herself into. So Okuu has to put her hand against Orin's little cat body and just hope for the best. Sometimes Orin is disoriented, waking up, and claws at Okuu's hand. Okuu doesn't mind, though, because Orin is her best friend and her girlfriend and she knows Orin doesn't mean it.

This morning, though, Orin just stretches and shifts back into her youkai girl form. "I'm still sleepy," she whines.

"But you have to get up!" Okuu pouts. Orin should already know by now. And plus, Okuu has something to tell her, which just makes Okuu excited all over again. "Come oooonnnnn."

Orin wrinkles her nose and lets out a tiny meow. "Let me just get dressed and I'll be right there."

"Okay!"

Outside Orin's door, Okuu stands as if she's on guard. A cheerful, excitable, bubbly guard, but nonetheless she would definitely protect Orin from any harm. As Okuu stands there, though, she begins to do something she rarely ever does. She worries. Satori and Koishi already knew she was a girl. She's so excited to tell Orin, but what if Orin already knows too? It isn't fair. This is her big news and it seems like everyone already knew except her.

Okuu is sulking when Orin opens the door, her black dress buttoned up to the collar. "Okuu? What's wrong?"

Okuu pouts. "I want to tell you something but Satori-sama and Koishi already knew before I told them."

"Well, um, yes, they can both read minds," Orin gently reminds her.

" _Ohhhh_!" Okuu says. She had kind of forgotten about that.

"So what is it?"

Okuu smiles and spreads her arms out for dramatic effect. "I'm a girl!"

Orin's eyes widen, and a grin spreads over her face, and she hugs Okuu so tightly. "You are! You're a girl? Oh, Okuu, I'm so happy for you," she says to Okuu's shoulder, and there is so much joy in her voice that it makes Okuu forget entirely about the little tiny seed of disappointment in her heart, because Orin is happy, Orin is so happy.

"Satori-sama said I can have like five hundred dresses," Okuu says proudly.

"Good! Oh, Okuu," she says again, squeezing Okuu tightly. "I'm just so happy."

"Me too!" Okuu crows. She grabs Orin's hand in a fit of joy, and swings their linked arms back and forth as they walk together, down to the Hell of Blazing Fires.

"So I should call you my girlfriend now, right?" Orin asks.

Okuu perks her head up. "Yeah! We're girlfriends now!"

Orin smiles and leans up to press a small kiss to Okuu's cheek. "You're so cute, Okuu."

Okuu's heart feels big and bright, like a sun. She loves Orin. She loves herself. "I'm so happy," she says, and smiles so wide it spreads across her whole face.

 


	3. you are my home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While gathering food for her mistress, Meiling comes upon a small abandoned child. (basically my sakuya origin headcanon)

"Good afternoon, ojousama."

Remilia stirs in her too-large bed, her eyes flicking open to meet Meiling's. "What time is it?" she asks sleepily, in a childish voice. Before Meiling can answer, she regains her solid composure. "Ah, Meiling, could you go out for me? I'd like male blood. Soon."

Meiling feels a sense of dread rise up in her throat, but, like always, simply says "Understood, ojousama," and bows before taking her leave.

Every so often Remilia sends her out to do the food shopping. Which, more often than not, involves less shopping than it does killing. Every week Remilia sends her out to do the killing, then. To provide food for her mistress.

It's a chilly afternoon, though the cold doesn't bother Meiling. She finds the type of men Remilia likes to eat easily, disgusting grown men who prey on girls. B-type blood. She can smell it. Even in a humanoid youkai body, she still has her dragon senses. She can smell the blood type and she can smell the filth.

She doesn't think about it too much when she knees one in the belly, snaps his neck, and tosses him over her shoulders. The body is warm. No blood spilled. Perfect.

On her way back to the mansion, she passes a tiny, thin girl lying on the side of the road, half-curled under a bush. Her eyes are glazed over, and Meiling hurries past. If she isn't dead now she will be soon, and Meiling has food to deliver.

 

Remilia often enjoys drinking from pretty girls, then releasing them back into the human village only slightly worse for wear. The men are different. Meiling has to drain them and bring a cup of the blood for Remilia to taste, then store whatever's left for Flandre's meals. It's an annoying job just because of how long it takes, standing there breathing in the metallic smell of human death. And for the first time that day Meiling has too much time to think.

The girl on the side of the road is, somehow, weighing heavy in Meiling's mind. Something about her eyes was just... Too much. It's too much. And she was so thin, so small. Probably only a little child.

Meiling can't forget it, and she feels guilty. She shouldn't feel guilty for walking by a dying person on the outskirts of the human village. Humans die all the time. Hell, she killed one herself just that day. But for some reason...

When all the blood is drained and Remilia's approved the taste, she dismisses Meiling. And, ever more anxious although she doesn't know why, Meiling hastily fills a small basket with bread and water, and sets off to the village in the hope there's still something she can do.

 

The girl's still there when Meiling returns, still lying curled up and unmoving on the side of the road. Getting closer, Meiling can see her feet are caked in dirt and dried blood. And her bones are prominent against her skin in too many places. But she's breathing.

"Hey," Meiling says softly, crouching down to the girl's level. The girl weakly meets her eyes, but doesn't move. "I have food and water for you. Can you sit up?"

The girl seems to consider it for a moment, then tries to hoist herself up, but struggles. Meiling reaches out to help her, and gets a shock when the girl's cold skin touches hers. Much too cold. She has to warm this kid up. On an impulse, she scoops the girl into her arms and cradles her against her body. The girl stiffens at Meiling's touch, but is either too weak or unwilling to get away. She's cold all over, Meiling realizes. She cups the girl's fingers in her own hands, trying to warm them.

"Are you hungry?" Meiling asks.

The girl nods, and Meiling tears off a small chunk of bread from inside her basket and presses it to the girl's lips. She accepts it, chewing slowly. She's so weak, Meiling realizes. Shouldn't be this weak. She's probably only five or six if she's human. Meiling tips the pouch of water into the girl's mouth next, and the girl moves her hands up to hold it herself, upending the entire thing.

"Hey, not so fast, you'll get sick."

The girl ignores her, and breathes heavily once she's done drinking. _Well, what are you gonna do,_ something inside Meiling says. _She's starving._ Meiling hands her the rest of the bread, and while the girl's chewing, Meiling decides she can't just leave this kid alone.

"I live in a mansion," she says. "I'll take you home if you want. I'll make sure you get food and clothes and a safe place to sleep. Sound good?"

The girl just looks scared.

"Oh, I forgot. Rude of me, right? My name's Hong Meiling. I'm the gatekeeper and gardener of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Nice to meet you."

The girl presses her cold cheek against Meiling's bare arm, her expression blank. Meiling gently brushes the child's soft, pale hair away from her forehead, admiring how beautiful her face really is under all the dirt and stress. She'll be a gorgeous lady someday. "You can trust me," Meiling promises, and the girl finally nuzzles closer to her, basking in Meiling's nonhuman warmth.

Meiling stands up with the girl's tiny body still cradled in her arms. "Hang on tight. I'm going to fly there." And with that, she jets into the sky, off to the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

 

The girl's dozed off by the time Meiling touches down in front of the gate. It's easy to slip into the mansion unnoticed. She just has to arrange to meet with Remilia as soon as possible, and pray that Remilia will let the tiny girl stay.

Meiling lays the child down gently on her own bed in the servants' quarters, not caring about the dirt and blood and god knows what else on the girl's clothes, and spreads a blanket over her. The girl stirs slightly, wrinkles her nose, and then seems to relax back into sleep.

 

Remilia's study is dim and intimidating, as it always is. Meiling tries not to let it faze her, remembering what she's here for."Ojousama," she starts, bowing deeply to Remilia. "Ojousama, I found something outside the human village today. Or, um. Someone, I should say."

"Hmmm?" Remilia says, her dark eyes glimmering with interest.

"There was… a girl. A human girl. I picked her up."

"Why?"

Meiling wracks her brain for an answer that will satisfy Remilia, then decides to just tell the truth and hope it goes well. "She was really small and she looks like she's starving. I felt bad… I couldn't just leave her. It was kind of like when you found me."

"Well, I knew you would be useful to me." Remilia had found Meiling, injured and collapsed in a forest, and coaxed her into coming back to the mansion. Meiling never really understood why someone like Remilia would want a legendary Chinese dragon like her, but she isn't about to complain. Her life at the mansion is pretty good, compared to where she was before. "What can this girl do? You don't intend to keep her as a snack for us, do you?"

"N-no, ojousama! No, I…"

Remilia taps her fingers on her desk. "Meiling. Bring her to me. Then I'll be able to see if she is worthy to stay here."

"Of course. Thank you, ojousama." Meiling bows again and darts out of the room. Getting her mistress to agree to see the girl was half the battle. The other half is convincing Remilia to keep her. Meiling prays to every god she can think of that it'll work out.

 

The servants' quarters are dark, but Meiling's relieved to see that the girl is still there, curled up on the bed. "Hey," she says, gently shaking the girl to rouse her. "Hey, you gotta get up. There's somebody I want you to meet." The girl just looks up at Meiling with tired, confused eyes. "My mistress. She wants to see you so she can let you live here, maybe."

The girl jolts in what looks like terror, and tries to cover herself with the blanket again. "Hey, hey, no, it's okay," Meiling soothes. "I promise, it's nothing to be afraid of. I'll protect you. Want me to carry you?"

The girl presses her face down into the bed, but makes a small noise that Meiling takes as a yes. She gently takes the girl into her arms, blanket and all, and sets off for what she hopes is a good outcome.

"Ah, Meiling," Remilia says when Meiling opens the huge door to the study once more. "Did you—you did! What a tiny child. She might be a good maid."

The girl shies away in Meiling's arms, burying her face against Meiling's chest. "It's okay," Meiling murmurs, stroking the girl's hair. "Here. Can you stand?" She gently lets the girl down, keeping a hand on the girl's shoulder to reassure her. "It's okay. It's okay, you're safe."

Remilia folds her hands. "Well, then. What is your name?"

The girl is silent, looking down. "I don't have one," she says quietly, the first time she's spoken. Her voice is soft and a little bit raspy.

"I can tell when you're lying, you know," Remilia says with her bloodthirsty grin. The small girl freezes, her eyes wide in terror. Meiling wishes Remilia didn't always try to intimidate people, especially this scared child. She gently rubs the girl's shoulder, hoping to give some comfort, at least.

Remilia continues, "But I know I won't get it out of you. Very well... Since you're mine now, I'd like to call you Sakuya. And... Since tonight is the sixteenth of the month, Izayoi. Izayoi Sakuya. I hope you like it."

"Yes," the girl says quietly. "Thank you."

"And, Sakuya, if you are to stay here, you will never lie to me again."

Sakuya nods, clutching at Meiling's hand tightly.

"You're both dismissed," Remilia says, flicking her wings. Just as Meiling turns around, Remilia speaks again. "Though, Meiling, if you wouldn't mind taking her to see Patchy...? I'm sure you've noticed she's covered in injuries. Patchy knows how to fix those things."

 

The walk to the library from Remilia's study is short, but Sakuya insists on holding Meiling's hand the whole time. Meiling doesn't blame her. She pushes the heavy doors to the library open, and is greeted immediately by a cloud of dust. Sakuya sneezes twice in succession. "I know," Meiling says. "Nobody ever cleans down here."

"Who's there?" Patchouli's flat voice echoes through the shelves. "I'm very busy right now."

"It's Meiling. Remilia sent me."

Almost immediately, Patchouli floats down from a high shelf, hovering a few inches off the ground in front of Meiling. "What's this?"

"Izayoi Sakuya. She's going to be a maid."

"Remi said you could keep her? She's filthy," Patchouli remarks, and opens up the giant book she's holding, floating back into the shelves somewhere.

Meiling can feel Sakuya trying to hide behind her legs. She can't blame Sakuya for it. She was terrified of Patchouli at first too.

"Umm, Patchouli-sama, Ojousama sent me to see if you could heal her injuries..."

Patchouli turns around to squint at Sakuya. "Where did you find this girl?"

"Outside the human village. Saved her life."

Patchouli makes a soft noise that might be annoyance. "I'm able to heal minor injuries. Let me see."

Meiling kneels down and whispers, "It's okay. She'll help you. Just show her where it hurts."

Sakuya bites her lip, and places her hands on her shoulders. "Here," she says to Patchouli, "and here, and here." She moves her hands down her body slowly, delicately, wincing.

Patchouli moves down to Sakuya's level and tugs her shirt open, pulling it down but not completely off. She murmurs spells as she places her hand over the bruises purpling Sakuya's chest and shoulders. When she moves it away, they're gone, the skin smooth and clear again.

Meiling can only stare at the injuries fading before her eyes. She's angry, furious at whoever did that to Sakuya, but—now isn't the time. _It's over,_ she reminds herself. She won't let anyone hurt Sakuya ever again.

Patchouli heals up a few cuts and bruises on Sakuya's shins, then turns to Meiling. "Give her a bath. I'm busy. If you find any more injuries bring her back when you're done." And with that, she turns back to her book.

 

After Sakuya's been washed, dried, and tucked into Meiling's bed, she falls asleep almost instantly. Meiling strokes her hair gently, smiling down at her. She's glad she went back for Sakuya. Seeing her sleeping so peacefully now, she looks so much healthier and... better. Meiling's always been good with kids, but never really wanted any of her own. But this girl is different. Meiling can tell Sakuya needs her, and she'd be glad to be Sakuya's adoptive mother or older sister or caretaker, whatever she needs.

"How is she doing?" Remilia asks when Meiling returns to the study for her nightly report.

"A lot better. She's sleeping in my room." Meiling is slowly realizing that she's exhausted, but she wills herself to keep going for Sakuya's sake.

"Good… The fairy maid uniforms should fit her for now. Start training her as soon as she's able."

"Of course, ojousama. Um…"

"Hmmm?"

"It's nothing, I just… I just wonder how she ended up in Gensokyo. She doesn't smell like the humans who live here."

"This place attracts youkai, you know. As well as humans with unnatural powers. I'm sure you remember how you found your way in from the other world."

"I was scared," Meiling admits. "It pulled me in before I knew what was happening."

"There you have it... Sakuya was probably just as scared as you. When you were being hunted and persecuted."

"She's just a little girl," Meiling says, barely above a whisper. "Who would ever..."

"Do you want to know? I can tell you," Remilia says. She doesn't wait for an answer. "She was rejected by her family. It was her fate all along. She has quite an interesting power, even among humans, but it hasn't fully developed. I'm guessing that's the reason her family didn't want her." She stretches her wings. "So young... But, she's attached to you. If you don't give her what she needs she'll probably die. Humans are so fragile, don't you think?"

"I'll take care of her!" Meiling cries out suddenly. "You won't need to worry about anything, I'll raise her to be a really hard worker. Th-thank you, ojousama!"

"My pleasure." She grins. "You're quite fit to be a mother to a child such as her."

Meiling smiles eagerly, thinking of how Sakuya held tightly onto her. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I am."


	4. Through the Lens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ayahata, gay morning photography

Aya used to wake up every morning fast and bright, rolling out of bed ready to go. There are so many things to see, so many places to go, so many incidents to report! She may as well have slept fully dressed with her camera around her neck. Whatever happens, no matter what, the Bunbunmaru Shinbun must go on.

Not now. Of course, the Bunbunmaru Shinbun must still go on, no matter what happens, but Aya can relax. Now she wakes up every morning gentle and slow, warmth by her side. Hatate, dear Hatate, curled against her back—Hatate keeps her grounded. Figuratively, of course.

Hatate is still asleep when Aya wakes, long hair spilling over the bed they share. Her breath is hot on Aya's neck, her arm heavy around Aya's waist. If it were five years ago Aya would have leapt out of bed, thrown on a clean shirt, and zipped out the window. But it is not five years ago. She rolls over, careful not to disturb her sleeping girlfriend. She tucks her face against Hatate's collarbone and lets her eyes close once more.

Everything is so comfortable and soft.

When she stirs again it's after an hour or two spent in and out of sleep. Hatate is still resting, facing Aya. She looks so peaceful, Aya thinks. It's something not many people get to see, a tengu with their guard down. Especially someone like Hatate, who doesn't like to leave the house in the first place. Aya feels so lucky. Without taking her eyes off Hatate—she's so  _gorgeous_ , how could Aya turn away—she reaches onto the nightstand for her camera.

Through the lens, she sees Hatate, half asleep and curled into the blankets, hair messy and breathing soft. She looks so beautiful. Aya positions the camera to the correct exposure, turns the flash off, and holds the camera steady for the perfect shot. Hatate's eyes flutter open, and they are so warm and dark and loving when Aya snaps the photo.

Most of Aya's photos are taken with the express purpose of showing off, whether she's putting them in a news article or making sure all her friends see them displayed. Not this one. She's the only one who can share this with Hatate, the softness and warmth of her girlfriend sleeping by her side, of waking up in her arms.

"Hey," Hatate says. "Morning."

"Good morning," Aya replies, setting her camera down on the nightstand.

"What time is it?"

Aya yawns. "Dunno."

"Oh." Hatate snuggles down into the blankets. "C'mere. You're warm."

Aya does. "I love you," she whispers to the top of Hatate's head.

There's a little sleepy giggle from under the covers. And then, a murmured "I love you too."


	5. you and me both, kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mamizou helps nue care for herself.

You start to worry around noontime, when there's been two meals set on the table and still no sign of Nue.

Nue loves food, loves mealtimes, loves to sit with the large group in the temple and steal from everyone else's plates. She's relentless, yet so overjoyed with her mouth stuffed with food. So when she doesn't show up for breakfast or lunch, the dread in your belly increases exponentially.

"Nue? Hey, Nue, kiddo, you in there?" you ask, tapping softly at the door of her room. No answer. "Nue," you try again. You frown, shift your body into a crude approximation of Byakuren's. It never quite works, because she's taller and thinner than you, and she doesn't have a tail or large fluffy ears, but your Hijiri impression always makes Nue laugh. "Nue!" you call, in a poor imitation of Byakuren's voice. "If you don't come out for lunch we'll have to give your share of dessert to Murasa! We wouldn't want that, now, would we?"

Still nothing. There's no choice left except... You slide open the door as quietly as possible. "Hey, I'm coming in," you say in your own voice, shifting your body back into its regular appearance.

The room is dark, with the curtains drawn and a blanket tossed over the window for good measure. In the center of the floor, where the futon rests, there's a huge, shivering lump of blankets. You can see that Nue's wings are drooping out of it, hanging limply onto the floor, occasionally twitching.

You crouch next to her. "Hey, Nue, you alright?"

She doesn't move. You have to keep talking to her, you know; you've spent so much time by her side when she's like this that you know.

"You need take care of yourself better."

She wriggles down further under the blankets. Her wings retract quickly until you can't see them anymore.

"Let's take a bath, okay?"

Nue mumbles something incoherent.

"Hmmm?"

"I want bean buns," she repeats, a little louder.

"I'll get you some bean buns. I promise. But you need to get up."

She rolls over to face you, poking her head out from under the covers. Even in the dark you can see her eyes are red-rimmed from crying. "Promise?"

"Promise. But a bath first."

"Okay," she says quietly, and lets you lift her small body up into your arms.

 

It's hard to get into the temple's bath. Someone always manages to be in there, Murasa curling up under the cold water, Ichirin relaxing with her hair tied up, Shou dozing off against the side of the tub. You're prepared to have to drag someone out whether they like it or not, but when you kick the bathroom door (you can't knock, with Nue cradled in your arms), it opens easily, with no one inside. Nue presses her face against your chest. "Mamizou," she mumbles.

"I have to put you down so I can run the bath. Alright?"

"Yeah," she says.

The water is warm, steam curling around your legs as you step into the tub. You lean over the edge to hoist Nue up from where she's sitting on the floor, and gently slip her dress off before you lower her into the water. Her wings tense and then slacken as she relaxes into the warmth, and she sinks down so her head is almost underwater. "You okay?" you ask, even though you know she's fine. Much better than she was, at least. She blows out a long series of bubbles, and you smile and ruffle her hair, loving the way it fans out between your fingers in the water.

When she pokes her head up to breathe, you draw her body close to yours. "Can you wash my hair?" she asks, looking up over her shoulder at you.

"Of course. Sit still."

You work a palmful of shampoo into her hair, scrubbing and massaging her scalp. Nue is calm, turning slightly every so often so you can reach every angle of her head. You work the shampoo down to the ends of her hair, and some of the bubbles start to spill over her shoulders and wings and into the water. "Mamizou," she says again.

"Hmmm?"

"I'm sleepy," she mumbles.

"Oh, but, don't forget we have to get bean buns."

"Yeah..." She dunks her head under the water, a cloud of soap rising up from her dark hair. You run your fingers through it again, helping her rinse all the shampoo out. When she's done you wrap her in a fluffy towel before wringing out your thick tail and stepping out of the bath yourself. She dresses with her back turned to you, but you can see her wings have started to regain some of their usual regality, even when she collapses back down onto the floor.

"Nue? Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah."

"Can you stand?"

"Don't wanna."

"Alright, alright." You lean over to ruffle her still-wet hair. "I'll carry you."

Nue understands what you mean. You have been through this many times before. In a flash, she's no longer a girl-sized youkai, but a tiny snake slithering on the floor. You gently cup her in your hands and deposit her into your shirt pocket. Immediately you feel her snuggle up against you, her snake form drawn to your body heat.

"You good in there?"

She butts her head against you, which, coming from Nue, is agreement.

The walk to the human village from the temple is easy, especially with your ears and tail hidden. Everyone knows you, and they haven't caught on to your true tanuki form yet. You occasionally pat the outside of your shirt pocket, and Nue will wriggle around in response. Soon enough you have your purchase of a dozen red bean buns, steaming hot, and you take your leave as quickly as you came.

There's a little clearing in the Forest of Magic just outside the village, where you often eat or read on your outings. You lift Nue gently out of your pocket and set her on the forest floor, where she shifts quickly back into her usual form. "Thanks," she says, before digging into the bag to lift out a bun and pop it whole into her mouth.

"Of course." You pause. "Why were you upset earlier?"

She chews and swallows another entire bun before answering. "It's stupid, it doesn't matter."

"I'm sure it's not stupid if it made you upset."

She sighs loudly. "Fine. Murasa was pissing me off last night so I went to bed but I woke up really early and I was scared and lonely and nobody came to see me and I know - I know you couldn't have known but I still felt like you hated me and, and, I don't know. I told you it's stupid."

"Oh, _Nue_ , Nue... Listen. I could never hate you."

"I know. It's stupid."

"Nue..."

"Mamizou." She locks eyes with you, sharp dark red meeting brown. "I... Don't worry, okay? I'm okay now. I kind of feel better. Just being with you."

"That's certainly a relief." You take a bean bun, nibbling at its edge. "Please feel free to come see me whenever you're feeling lonely. I'll never turn you away."

"I know, I know, but... it's hard," she pouts.

"How about this? Why don't you sleep in my room from now on? That way I can always be there if you need me, and if you want to be alone you still have your own room to go back to."

"Can I?" Her eyes go wide, and she's practically in your lap, leaning towards you in excitement.

You smile, pushing your glasses back up on the bridge of your nose. "Yes. Of course."

The afternoon sun filters through the trees, beautiful golden light spilling over the normally-dark forest. When you finish the buns you set off for home. You carry Nue again, but this time on your shoulders, and this time, she's laughing.


	6. Circles 'Round the Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protecting Kaguya has always been Eirin's top priority. Loving her is a constant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally for touhou 69min on twitter back in like... december. as is characteristic of me i fell asleep while writing it. don't try to write for touhou 69min or you'll end up like me.  
> can be platonic or romantic depending on how you feel. i literally do not care how you interpret eirin and kaguya's relationship as long as you acknowledge how much they love each other.

Eirin shoots. Eirin shoots, and shoots, over and over, loosing several arrows from her bow. There's blood in the snow, red slashes against the cold night.

It's still once more. Everything is quiet save for the wind through the trees.

Eirin turns around and walks back inside.

"What did you do?" Kaguya asks. Her voice is uncharacteristically soft.

"I took care of them," Eirin says.

"Took care of... is that blood yours?"

"I don't think so."

"Eirin, you... what did you do?"

"I promised I would protect you," Eirin says.

"You didn't have to kill them! Eirin!"

She has to remain cold as stone while Kaguya cries. She swore she'd protect Kaguya. That is not something she can go back on. Not now, not ever.

 

Years go by.

Kaguya is softer now, bored with staying inside all day. She sleeps often, curled in a cocoon of blankets or under the kotatsu. When she does wake she yawns, has a few cups of hot tea, and remarks about how sleepy she is. Eirin sometimes smiles and says she's like a cat.

Maybe it would do her some good to have an animal companion. Maybe not.

Eirin carries her back to bed when she falls asleep on the floor. Eirin is the one who tucks her in, who makes sure she's safe. Eirin is the one who keeps loving her, even when no one else alive is there to know her name.

Kaguya sometimes wakes screaming, unable to remember why. Eirin soothes her just the same, holding her close and whispering reassurances to her. "I won't let them take us back," she says, and lets Kaguya curl into her until they both fall asleep.

Emissaries do come, every so often. Eirin tries to intercept them before Kaguya even knows she's being targeted. It's better that way.  
The snow has melted, but the blood splashed on the ground is still the same.

 

There's a place called Gensokyo, full of the unknown, the extraordinary. It's a place they wouldn't have to hide. It's a place they could, maybe, fit in. Kaguya doesn't even have to think twice about it - when Eirin brings it up, she's in. She wants it. She wants the freedom. And so, they make their new home, and Kaguya is happy.

The house in which they take up their residence is long and narrow and overrun by rabbits. Eirin mentions that she could remove them if necessary, but Kaguya is already leaning down to pet them, to hold them in her lap. And so the rabbits stay, as do the immortals. Eirin continues to make medicine. Kaguya continues to sleep often.

Sometimes Eirin finds her looking out into the sky at night, gazing up at the moon and stars. Usually neither of them speak, Eirin not wanting to disturb Kaguya and Kaguya having nothing to say. Eirin just stands in silence, memorizing the way Kaguya's silky hair falls down her back and spills onto the floor. They have spent an eternity together, but Eirin always finds a new detail to admire in Kaguya's beauty.

"I miss it," Kaguya says suddenly one night, without turning around. Eirin's not surprised that Kaguya knew she was there. Even as a child she was always incredibly perceptive. "I don't miss living there, of course... I miss being there. It was my home for so long, I can't help it."

"It was beautiful," Eirin agrees. "The seas and the forests, especially."

"I miss the way we used to look out onto the earth."

"Do you ever miss being a princess?" Eirin asks, although she knows the answer.

Kaguya turns to face Eirin, simply looking at her for what seems like hours. "No," she finally says. "I have you."


	7. Dearest/Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RENKO/MARIBEL, EXTREME GAY

Renko's small apartment is so cozy, especially at this time of year. It's Maribel's first winter break in Japan, having finally convinced her parents she had somewhere to stay during the holidays. Which, of course, was with Renko, although she didn't tell them that.

As is typical for them, they'd just ordered takeout, and on their way to pick it up, bought some sweet pastries to share. One of Maribel's Christmas presents had been an assortment of teas from her home country, and she'd been eager to have Renko try each and every one of them.

"This is pretty good. What's this?"

"Chamomile and anise," Maribel says, mentally translating the label on the box from Spanish.

"It tastes like licorice."

"It should."

Renko draws her legs up, reaching in the same motion for the box of sweets they'd gotten earlier. "This guy's definitely lip syncing, right?" She's fixed her eyes on the year-end musical awards show they're watching. She'd insisted that Maribel had to see it if she was to stay in Japan over the break, and Maribel hasn't been disappointed so far.

"Don't they always in things like this?"

"At least it's not another idol group."

"Idol groups are kind of cute..." Maribel weakly protests.

"Okay, well, they're not my thing."

"None of this is your thing."

"Alright, you got me. Torte?"

Maribel eagerly accepts the small cake, nibbling on it as she watches the TV cut to a commercial break. Beside her, Renko stretches and yawns. It's late, later than Maribel had thought. The new year is only an hour away.

"Hey, Renko?" Maribel says. For a second she considers just leaving it at that - just saying Renko's name to see Renko react, to reassure herself that _yes_ , Renko is here, Renko is with her. But instead, when Renko turns, Maribel quickly says something about wanting to explore a supposedly haunted graveyard she'd read about earlier.

Renko nods, smiles softly. "That would be good. It'll be the Sealing Club's first investigation of the new year."

"Yeah," Maribel says. _It would be good_ , she thinks. _To spend more time with you._

 

As the clock ticks closer to midnight, only a matter of seconds, Maribel finds herself watching Renko. "It's nice that they put the time on the TV," Renko says, unaware of Maribel's gaze falling on her. "Otherwise you'd be begging me to look at the stars to tell you, right?"

"You're hopeless," Maribel says. "You really want the last thing you do in this year to be making fun of me?"

"Come on, Merry. You always do ask."

"Well, I don't have to now. Look. Ten seconds." Nine, eight, seven, and Maribel can't stop looking at Renko beside her, six, five, four, three, Renko's eyes are still on the countdown on her TV screen. Two. One.

"Happy New Year," Renko says.

"Happy New Year," Merry returns. And then, without stopping herself, without thinking, she leans across the table and softly, quickly, pecks Renko on the lips.

When she pulls back she feels like she's floating, and Renko's eyes are wide. "Merry," she breathes, and all the air leaves Maribel's lungs.

"I'm sorry! I won't do that again." _Idiot_ , she fumes at herself.

"No, no, I... Merry." She reaches out to tentatively touch Maribel on the shoulder. "Please do. Do that again."

Maribel nods, shifts closer to Renko. She trails her fingertips over Renko's cheek, and kisses Renko's lips again, so softly it feels like a dream. This time, Renko kisses back, and moves her arms to hold Maribel close. When they finally part, Maribel can feel her cheeks burning. And to her surprise, the ever-logical Renko does the most illogical thing possible: she bursts out laughing.

"Merry," she says. "Merry. Merry. I love you."

Maribel blushes and looks away, a giggle rising up in her chest. "Oh, Renko. You're so silly. I've loved you so long and you never even knew?"

"How could I?! I mean - I, I had a really big crush on you and I thought you were - god, Merry, I wish we'd talked about this sooner."

"There's no time like right now, is there? We can just start from here and go on."

Renko smiles so wide and clasps her hands together around Maribel's. "Yeah. Yeah, of course. I'd like that."

* * *

 

Maribel is used to sharing Renko's bed, sleeping by her side but never touching. It seems that neither of them had expected the evening to end with a  romantic confession, and Maribel is more than a little nervous about where she's going to be sleeping. When she returns to Renko's bedroom after brushing her teeth and changing into her pajamas, she's both startled and relieved to see Renko's form curled in the middle of the bed, just like usual.

"C'mere, Merry," Renko says sleepily, before moving over and leaving a Merry-sized space next to her. Maribel smiles and concedes, sliding under the covers and curving her body around Renko's back. Renko's body is so warm, her skin burning soft, and the way she smells and the way her bare legs entwine with Maribel's and her steady breathing, all of it makes Maribel blush. This is what she's always wanted, to be by Renko's side like this. In a way, she supposes, she always has. They've always been like this, best friends who love each other. The only difference is that now they both know how deep that love runs.

"Hey, Merry?"

"Yes?"

"How... how do you say  _I love you_ in Spanish?" Renko asks, shy but interested, the way she always is when she wants to know about Maribel's native language.

"Te amo, Renko."

"Te amo..." Renko repeats. "Is it okay if I kiss you again?" she asks softly, looking back over her shoulder to where Maribel is snuggled against her.

"Of course it is."

Renko smiles, the grin spreading across her face, so much that it seems to make her glow. "Jeez, Merry, I wish we'd talked about this sooner. I love you so much-"

And then Maribel does kiss her, pressing their warm lips together as Renko turns over to face her, and she doesn't stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maribel and renko are watching Kohaku Uta Gassen on nhk, which i guess is a pretty Big Deal in japan. special thanks to my good friend momo for telling me about this beautiful event. i did exactly what she would have wanted me to do with this info and wrote about lesbians kissing in front of it.


	8. spirits in the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miko and Tojiko take a walk.

It isn't very often that Miko takes her headphones off. They're her comfort, her solace, the one thing separating her from a sensory overload. Without them she hears too much, desires and ambitions and needs coming from every direction, until it's too much for her brain to handle. _Sensitive ears_ , her mother used to say, when she was small, when she was Shoutoku instead of Miko. _Toyosatomimi_. Clever ears, people would call it, when they found out how much she could do. _It isn't so fun having them_ , she thinks bitterly. All her life - both her lives - she's been covering them one way or another. She feels so naked with her ears exposed.

Her hands don't tremble as she sets the headphones down by her bedside. She is beyond that. Or so she tells herself.

Senkai is a calm place, one for hermits, at Miko's request. There's nothing much to hear at this hour, even without headphones. Futo is dreaming of home in another room, but it's faint enough not to bother Miko. Other than that - there is only one light in the dark.

Tojiko.

She says nothing as she enters the bedroom, just takes Miko's hands and lets herself be pulled into the bed they share. She exhales softly, though she doesn't need to breathe, and kisses Miko just like she has thousands of nights before.

It's always made Miko so happy, so wonderfully happy. One of Tojiko's ten desires is, very simply, for Miko. It's a strong, burning love, that Miko can hear even with her ears blocked. But when she's like this, Tojiko's love for her is the only thing in the world.

"I love you," Miko whispers, tears coming to her eyes from the sheer force of how much she can feel.

Tojiko doesn't need to say anything. Miko already knows. "I love you too," she says anyway, touching Miko's face.

Miko laughs abruptly. "That was cute. It's kind of unexpected."

"Oh, fuck you."

"Really! You're my wife. I can call you cute. I've _seen_ you being cute."

"I said fuck you."

"And I know you don't mean it," Miko grins, hearing how lighthearted Tojiko's feelings actually are.

"You want to fight? I'll fight you. I can take you." She jerks forward, locking her legs around Miko's waist and pinning her down to the bed. "How 'bout that?"

"You're hopeless," Miko says, her hands skimming down to Tojiko's waist. She brushes her fingertips softly over Tojiko's ribs, and Tojiko makes an undignified snorting noise.

"Don't you dare."

"Hmmm...." Miko says, smiling. She presses her fingers under Tojiko's ribs, making Tojiko hiss before bursting into laughter.

"Miko! Fuck! Don't... don't tickle me," she giggles, collapsing onto Miko's chest. The rumble of her laughter vibrates against Miko's skin. "I swear," she gasps.

"You've always been stubborn."

" _You've_ always been full of yourself."

"I can't deny it... I am a prince. You, however, have no excuse," Miko says, ruffling Tojiko's hair affectionately.

"Oh, of course." Tojiko rolls her eyes. "Come on, _crown prince_. I want to take a walk."

* * *

Fireflies dot the night, flickering warmly. Miko holds Tojiko's hand, fingers entwined, letting Tojiko guide her through the darkness. Tojiko's grip is tight, and in the dim half-light her ghostly tails almost glow. For the millionth time in their marriage, Miko's struck with a kind of awe and reverence at how wonderful her wife is.

After they've drifted together in silence for a good fifteen minutes, Tojiko suddenly stops. "Here," she says. Before them is a clearing, a little pond, the full moon reflecting on its clear surface. "I found it a few days ago. I wanted to show you, but I couldn't find a time when we were alone."

"Oh," Miko breathes. The stars, the fireflies, the moon - it's almost too much.

Tojiko slips off her robe, leaving it in the grass. She dips into the water, circles rippling around her body. When she leans back into a float, her skin glistens in the moonlight. "Come in," she says.

Miko follows, leaving her own pajamas at the shore. The coolness of the water is welcome against her skin, and she wades out to meet Tojiko. Soon enough the water deepens to the point where Miko can't touch the bottom, and it's then that she reaches for her wife, arms circling her.

"Up to your royal standards?" Tojiko asks, a hand resting on the back of Miko's neck. Water trickles down her face from her wet hair, almost like she's crying despite her wry little smile.

"It is. I love it..." Miko closes her eyes, holds her breath, and slips underwater, letting the dark stillness enclose her. It is so calm, nothing but water, and then Tojiko is there, Tojiko on her lips, Tojiko all she can feel.

When she comes up for air Tojiko follows, using one hand to brush Miko's wet hair away from her face. "Thanks," Miko says, and presses her forehead against Tojiko's, holding her close, their bodies close and warm in the cool water. The moon shines down, the fireflies glow, the wind breezes gently through the trees. They float through the water together, not needing to say any more. After all, Miko can hear everything loud and clear. And it is beautiful.


	9. love is a place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where do you live?  
> Love is a place.
> 
> -metric

It's a morning much like any other in the time after you've revived Byakuren and come to live above ground once more. You're awoken by Kyouko's voice, singing sutras as she sweeps the temple's steps. It's early. Normally you'd sleep a little later, but you already decided that today is the day, so you grudgingly haul yourself out of your warm bed and get dressed.

Byakuren's already in the kitchen, setting out teacups and plates for everyone's breakfast.  "Good morning, Shou," she says when she sees you, smiling warmly. "You're up early."

"I am… Good morning, Hijiri," you reply, taking your seat. For a moment you consider just telling Byakuren and Byakuren alone, right now, just for starters. You know you'd be most comfortable with her, and the idea of all the attention being focused on you is kind of nerve-wracking. "There's something I need to tell you," you start, but at that moment the front door slides open and Murasa comes back inside from their morning smoke.

"Oh, hey, Shou," they say, shoving their pack of cigarettes back into their pocket.

"Would you prefer it to be in private or…?" Byakuren asks.

"Uh, I think I  _should_  tell everybody, so it's kind of..." you stumble.

"Whatever you're comfortable with."

"Tell everybody what?" Murasa asks. "I'm gonna make some fish, do you want any?"

"That would be good, thank you. I... I'll wait until everyone's here." So you don't have to do it a million times.

Gradually, the rest of the temple's inhabitants make their way to the kitchen. Mamizou, her robe hanging open loosely in the front, and Nue following, anxiously reminding her to tie it shut. Kyouko, finished sweeping, comes in, hangs up her broom, and begins chattering excitedly about nothing to Mamizou.

Byakuren frowns. "Where's Ichirin?"

"Bath," Murasa says with a mouthful of food, having to speak loudly over Kyouko's high voice.

"She's been in the bath for an awfully long time."

"She's okay, Hijiri, don't worry."

Byakuren sighs deeply, the way she does when she's fed up with something. "All right. I suppose we can start without her."

"Start what?" Nue asks. "'Cause, like, we've all been eating for the past ten minutes."

Byakuren presses her lips together and looks like she's about to say something, but before she can, Ichirin bursts through the kitchen door, her headscarf wound messily around her hair. "I'm here!" she says. "Sorry! Feel my legs, I just shaved and they're like baby dolphins."

Murasa reaches out to touch them. "Oh, yeah, they are kinda like baby dolphins."

Byakuren sighs deeply. "Okay. Alright, then. Now that we're all here. Shou?"

You regret this. You regret all of it, your heart pounding in your chest, and you want to back down and just say  _it's nothing, never mind_ , but you already decided, even though you're so nervous it hurts. "Uh," you start, your mouth suddenly dry. "I, um. I think I might… not… be a girl."

Byakuren smiles and clasps her hands together. Ichirin nearly bounces out of her seat. "I knew it!" Nue shouts, slamming her hands down onto the table. "I knew it, I knew you weren't one!"

Murasa just nods at you, a small smile on their face. "Glad you figured it out."

"Ah, Shou, how should we refer to you?"

"Shou is fine, I guess." You've always liked your androgynous name, especially when it meant people didn't just assume you were female, but you never really thought about why until very recently.

"I meant things like gendered language," Byakuren clarifies.

"Oh, yeah. Just... don't use it?" Murasa, genderless ghost that they are, has been insistent on the complete avoidance of any words that might possibly gender them for as long as you can remember. So it's the first thing to come to mind, but you're not sure if it completely fits. But it'll do for now. At least it's better than being called  _she, girl, her_.

"Okay. Let's all do that!" Ichirin says. "Unless you want something different, then it's totally cool to just tell us, okay?"

"Yeah," you say, relief flooding you. You knew in your heart this would go well, because everyone in the temple has had some level of gender issues, but it's still anxiety-provoking. "Thank you, everyone."

Mamizou nods wisely. "We have to look out for each other."

"I agree," Byakuren says. "Loving others, supporting others, that's the true meaning of life."

" _Hijiriiiiiii_ ," Nue whines. "You said you wouldn't do sermons at the table."

"This isn't a sermon," Byakuren insists. "I'm just—" She stops herself.

"It's important for us to stick together," Murasa finishes. "We're all we've got."

"Thank you, Murasa."

When everyone's left the table and only you and Byakuren remain, she moves to sit next to you. "No sermon today," she says. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

Now that she mentions it, there is one thing. "Hijiri… If it's not too much trouble, my hair…"

"Ah. Is it getting too long for you?" You nod. "I'll cut it. Come with me." Byakuren always knows what to do, no matter what the problem is. It's why you've always been so devoted to her, even after all this time.

"It's easiest to cut hair when it's wet," she says, when you're in her room and she's working water through your hair. "Myouren used to cut mine, when I still thought I was a boy."

"Mmmm." Byakuren's always been very open about her gender, but you never really know what to say to her in reply.

She begins snipping at your bangs, and you shut your eyes as the little wisps fall. "It really has gotten long," she murmurs, running her fingers through it at the back. The feeling of her fingertips on your neck makes you shiver.

"Yeah… it was definitely time for it to be cut. You saw. I still prefer it short."

Byakuren hums in agreement. "I understand."

You sit there, mostly in silence, as Byakuren gently trims your hair, occasionally asking for you to tilt your head. "You know, Shou," she says after several long minutes of this. "I always had some idea you weren't female. We all did, I think. But after what I've been through, I feel especially attuned to it."

"Why didn't you say anything?" you ask, turning your head back to face her.

She smiles, warm golden eyes fixing on yours. "I wanted you to make the discovery yourself. To be comfortable enough in it to make the decision to tell us on your own."

"I think I should have guessed that…" Byakuren is always full of ideas like that, so her answer comes as no surprise.

She nods. "It's a journey, not a destination. Remember that, Shou."

"Thanks, Hijiri." You will. You know if you're by her side, you will.


End file.
